Spontanious Outpouring of Emotion

As usual life is hectic. My intentions were to take all of May off in order to get my life organized and such. In reality within two days I was working for Louise my summer boss, cleaning the Soccer Center for 3 days last week. Good money, literal pain in the arse. Let my tell you all now that I really hate Urinals. But what I hate worse is mens toilets becuase men apparently can't aim. And if I hate anything worse then Toilets its the bases of toilets that never get clean and all the dirt, puke, blood, excrement, and mostly urine accumulates unheeded in its accumulation by mop, or cloth until the day I come along Mrs. Clean.... Sorry that was sitting there festering in my mind. It really wasn't that bad, working for them is laid back, and I thought I may as well get paid and appreciated for something in would have done at home and been totally ignored or bitched at by my sister. I did incidently clean the bathroom at least took me forever.... Mildew and bacterial growths everywhere, my sister really doesn't get the whole "sanitary" thing. It's truely disgusting.


As for the rest of my summer Its gone okay. My had a garage sale this weekend, My mom's boyfriend tried to sell all of his VHS which was hillarious because he had over 600 of them, so now I have a whole whack of movies to watch this summer before I leave. Anyways it was way to unorganized and just stressed me out really bad so I basically puttered and got my hair cut. Which leads me to my Chi story...

So for the those out there who are not hair officiando's Chi straightening irons (which work really well and are often used in salons) usually cost upwards of $240 so I have really wanted one but have been fairly hesitant to get one. I have been looking around and found one for $190 so I went to my hairstylist and was talking to her while getting my hair cut that I was going to buy one, and when I told her how cheap I found one she said she could sell the ones at her salon to me for that price! Well she checked with her manager and he moved it down to $185! I was so happy and now my hair looks fantastic and it won't be so frizzy and curly as it was last time I went travelling which brings me in final to what I will be doing in a few days make that one...

On Wednesday I'm going to go visit my Great Uncle Al and Aunt Bonnie In Ontario which is fun but fricken expensive! luckely I am spoiled as a child and seem to have good Karma. So I managed to find 2 flights from air canada for 199 when most are in the high 200s to 300s. Unfortunatly because I'm flying into a dinky little airport about 80k from Toronto I have to fly into Montreal for a 45 minute stop over on my way there and Ottawa for 2 hours on my way back. This changes my 2 to 2 1/2 hour flight in to 6 and 7 hour flights but it's worth it. Now my only problem is renting a car for 4 days which nearly cost the same! Oh well, my parents are covering the flight! yay!

Now for the big finale to my trip because I'm graduating this year I decided to treat myself to a Shakespeare show at the Stratford festival! Unfortunately Twelth Night doesn't start till June 1st so I'm going to go See my second favorite Comedy Much Ado About Nothing! And I get one of the Top seats in the House!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited to see my family and all! This is going to be awesome!

I Don't know which to tell every one first! That I'm done or i'm In.... *sits and ponders*

Anyways, on Tuesday I got a letter in the mail from the programme (now called this, as I don't want them to track me down, and find out how bad my English really is!) And I will be teaching in Japan as of July 30th YAY! I should be totally more excited but right now there are so many things that could get fudged and go wrong, like me failing or some glitch and not getting my Diploma or some stupidly hypothetical thing like that. I think I so desperately want to go that I'm afraid something will happen and this glorious possibility will be ripped from my hands. So right now I should be ecstatic but I feel like somethings going to go wrong and take it away. It's almost like having a beautiful ring but being afraid to wear it or admire it or talk about it to much because you're afraid someone will take it away.... *angst*

perhaps i'm anxious cause I'm so worn out by this semester which brings me to big news number two.

I am done my English degree! well I have 3 exams and I could still fail but if all goes well than I will never have to write a friggen English paper again.... Look at me a year from now I'm just going to start randomly posting essays on my journal because I can't stand my brain atrophying. As of right now I really feel like I don't do the degree justice as I feel that I'm awful at English in contrast to braniacs in that department like Dan and Russ (don't get all hubristic about that) and lots of people say i'm smart and I don't know I just don't think I'm very good at it and I just makes me wonder sometimes what I'm doing, and why i'm so lazy or not smart enough....

anyways enough self pity...

So yeah talk to me later and I'll be ecstatic about everything but maybe it's just me right now but I"m so tired I can't get excited.

boo...

ummmm... So what a blasted waste of a weekend!

On thursday night I cleaned my apartment spic and span, since my landlord might be showing it off since i'm moving at the end of the month, also I can't work in a dirty environment. So I was very impressed with myself I got my apartment clean and wrote up letters and made little chocolate goodie care packs for my host families in Japan to be sent in the mail on friday. I had my bags all packed everything ready... and I woke up friday morning with the worst stomach flu ever! It was not a pretty site! So being my normal self it takes me 3 hours and 6 prayers to the porcelain god later to decide that perhaps I should call in sick for work! Wow I must of sounded sick on the phone cause for once in my life I had no problems getting a shift covered. Except it's the one day I really hate missing since it's got 4 of the cutest little girls and the last girl is so shy she took most of last term's lessons to even say one word to me. But I guess it worked out ok. Then I missed my friends Birthday party and slept all day. Didn't get a single productive thing done. Which sucks because my dad was supposed to edit my paper on Sat.

So Saturday morning my Dad calls to see if I"m okay! and I felt much better, so he took me out to brunch. Which on retrospect was not a good Idea for many reasons....

1. unlike last time I don't think this is food poisoning but a flu so my stomach wasn't particularly hungry so I ate a whole bunch and felt like I had rocks in my stomach for the whole day. And nothing seems to ad it.

2. We talked all of 5 minutes about my essay and the rest can be summed up as:

Dad: have you heard from JET
Me: No they said beginning of April...
Dad: It is the Beginning of April
Me: I know... But if I don't get in I'll go to Korea or Taiwan
Dad: I didn't think it was a good idea to start of with but now I hope you get this opportunity
Me: (to self, no shit sherlock took me four years to work you around to it) out-loud: thanks
...

Dad: I'm So proud of you... *tear sob sob*
Me: Dad we're in a restaurant, i'm all for men showing emotion but not my dad *shudders*

...
Dad: Your step sister is thinking of getting married
Me: (inside: She's 20 and dated the guy 3 months!) outside: that's nice
Dad: Your stepbrother proposed to his fiance, she's not sure...
Dad: so have you/are you dating anyone?
Me:no
Dad: why not
Me:.....
Dad: I don't want you to turn into my mom
Me: I don't want to turn into my mom and marry an emotional retard like you...


Ok so maybe only subsisting on 2liters of Ginger Ale, a bread role, and some bacon and eggs for three days makes me a little grumpy.


Anyways slept all of Saturday eventually then tried to finish one of my novels because I thought maybe I should write on it instead, and then woke up at 4 this morning wide awake....

so now I have 1 page done and I'm procrastinating by blogging....

and I'm going to fail my Japanese Midterm tomorrow... *Cries*

on the Bright side my Step-Mom Bought me "memoirs of a Geisha" for good luck, which is weird and random so I don't really know what to make of it. I think she thinks I'm a japanaphile or something....

Since I'm sitting at a computer right now I thought perhaps I should get around to actually updating.

Not too much is going on right now.  I'm working on my paper for English a week in advance.  The goal is to have the paper done by monday.  I think I can do it this time.  If It is done by then It will be the first paper I've completed over  a day in advance.  It's pretty fun to do, I'm a little concerned because I haven't finished all the books in my class, and I think they might be worth writing on for my topic, but I can't write on all of them so I might limit myself to just those that i've finished.  Surprisingly enough i've actually read and finished some of the novels for this class. 

I really think my problem with university is that I have been rushing through it.  I will take responsibility for this, as I usually like to rush things.  On the other hand I would like to lay this at my fathers feet.  As an example, he left a message on my machine the other day asking if I had heard back from JET yet, and if I hadn't had I applied to the Education program.   Now this is acceptable in a normal situation, except he asks me every time we talk when i'm applying to the education faculty, and I tell him the deadline is not till May 31.  It just pisses me off! 

I am an adult I am responsible for my own deadlines and steps that I need to take.  I do not need to be reminded that I should do something.  And this is assuming that I want to do it.  Yes I want to go into Ed, but I also want to take a break, make money and mature.  I feel at 21 I don't need to be rushing into my life's career.  Yes, I do emphatically want to teach, but there are many opportunities out there to do things involved with teaching and children that I won't be able to pursue as actively or freely when i'm tied down.   I don't feel it's irresponsible to take a year or two off to teach abroad (assuming I get hired).  Or to slow down and contemplate my current life and mature a bit.  I think I am mature, but at the same time I think that at 21 I might be a bit young to be teaching and committing to one thing.  I find as I get older my grade improve and i'm able to learn better. I know  "No Shit Sherlock"  but for me that's a significant indicator.  My grades have always been O.K.  as in I don't try and I get a B.  So, my average is around a B (maybe higher) and this should be a good mark but It's not, and so I have to do better.  I think that no trying is just one such indication of my relative immaturity and it is something I need to work on.  Perhaps if I define goals for myself, I can understand where I'm going and I can strive to achieve something rather than floating aimlessly towards an abstract goal.

My father has a problem like this because he didn't become a lawyer till his mid 40's and didn't start his formal education till his mid 30's so now his main concern is that his daughters don't comit the sins of the father as it were.  In many ways i'm like my father I agree, but on this aspect I maintain my individuality.  My father is patently incapable of sticking to one thing in his life be that wives, jobs, firms, cities, cars or professions; I'm just lucky he only has two children.  For him he works himself to the bone, gets frustrated and then moves on promising and deluding himself that next time will be better.  This mentality pisses me off.  For me I have to stick with something till it's done (I'm graduating this term so i'm not quiting on school)  and ride things out through thick or thin.  I've been in the same part-time job for over 4 years now and only quite when extenuating circumstances demand it, I.E. faculty closure and moving to different places.  On top of that my grades are never good enough for him. "That's not good enough, I always got A's" BS.  Yeah so what my grades are lower than my sisters and my Dad's I'm still smarter than them!  J/K . It's just a different intelligence, but my sister and my dad don't respect that and it pisses me off. 

Okay so I started out feeling happy and now i'm all pissed off when I really wasn't before, maybe it's my unconscious breaking through.

Anyways, I think i'm actually doing pretty good in Grammar.  The other day I had some assholes im my apartment complex wake me up at 3am; Drunk out of their minds.  anyways gave them the benefit of the doubt for half an hour until 2 of them had a break up session right outside my window and started repeatedly running up and down the metal stairs and slamming the metal gate, and screaming at each other, so I called the complaint line for the local police.   An hour later (as I fell asleep at last listening to the harmonic noises of one of them puking his guts up in the flower bed up front) the cops still hadn't arrived.  I'm not very pleased with the response time of the cops in this city I wonder where I can lodge a complaint, wait I'm leaving so it doesn't matter.  Anyways as I was saying I think i'm getting better at grammar, because as I was trying to go back to sleep I was contemplating the grammatical categories that the word "Drunk" belongs to in different sentences....   I.E. "those Drunken Bastards"  "He is Drunk"  "Drunk as a Skunk"  and so forth.  As far as I can see Drunk is either a noun or an adjective.....  Wow I'm so smart.  Actually I'm pretty impressed and embarrassed since I would not have been able to tell you this before.

Finally, since I have class in Half an hour.  I still haven't heard back from JET and it's driving me crazy, and I"m moving home at the end of the month! I think I should have shaved my head for cancer the other day at the University.  Because My hair at the end of this month is going to be either white or patchy from me pulling it out.  Ok, I've procrastinated enough on my paper. 

Ciao

Oh and as a random note of interest at 2 minutes and 3 seconds past one this morning the time and date was 1:02:03 04/05/06  :)

I'm getting frustrated! Every time I post a comment in someones journal I click to make sure it is supposed to do a spell check and then IT NEVER DOES! This is bad since my general incoherence is worsened when one can't read my writing, and then I come off a complete idiot. So, my apologies to anyone I post to, who now thinks (if they didn't think before) that i'm a complete idiot who shouldn't have an English degree.

So, I haven't updated my journal in a long time... yeah mia culpa. Life's been fairly hectic as per usual.

As to my most recent misadventure....

On Sunday some people from my exchange group (the ones I went to Japan with last June) went out and curled with the exchange professor from Japan and his wife. It was really fun, I haven't curled in a long time, over 4 years and even then it was only once or twice. So, there I am all excited experimenting with my slip (the plastic thing on your one shoe) and all is good, I was getting pretty confident and then about 1 hour into the game I got on the wrong side of the rock as I was sweeping and I try to switch sides. No problem right? then BAM! next thing i know i'm face down on the ice and I don't really remember getting there and my face hurts like a.... a whole lot of pain. so i'm kinda knocked out of my sense and all I can think is do I have a spinal... wow you can tell i'm a lifeguard. So I managed to roll over, and everyone thought that the rock had hit my head. But what I think happened is that as I fell my cheek caught the rock and my chin caught the ice. Thankfully no concussion (the bathroom was my next stop when I could stand about 10 minutes later) and minimal bruising you can't even see it unless I point it out, but it's still puffy and painful to the touch and my Jaw hurts when I yawn so if it doesn't go away maybe I'll see a doctor. But it was hilarious because the prof and his wife don't speak english that well but the minute I could speak I remembered all my Japanese in regards to it's ok, i'm fine, i'm sorry, go play.... which i normally have to think about. Maybe I should try hitting my head more often...

Now on to bitching about work.... ( Read more... )

So I would like to admit to my own stupidity this morning. I would like to blame it entirely on a sleep fogged mind but I'm sure there's a inner inherint stupidity that is there all the time that I just don't want to own up to.

I fell asleep last night at 1:30am which given my goal was 11pm so I could get up and go to the gym or pool at 8, it was a tad late. Anyways, in the middle of my sleep I wake up to a "BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!" on my door, so I run out to my living room going *wtf*. Unfortunately I am quite literally blind without my glasses.... Care to guess where my glasses are? Yup, you're right they're on my bedside table.

So, I try looking out my peep hole and can't really see dick all, so I cautiously open the door.... (I'm such and Idiot, I've had my cousin and a friend do this to me before so I though perhaps it's one of them) and there is this blurry, drunk native woman standing on my door step.... She asks if she can use my phone, and meanwhile i'm still incoherent so I tell her to wait slam the door closed in her face grab my off-hook phone hand it to her, and she starts pushing on my door, saying "I'm hungry can you make me a sandwich" i'm like sorry and slam the door close again and lock it.

Well I grab my glasses, care to guess what time it is??? 5:30 in the F*in bloody morning! so I go back out feel some what sorry for her and grab her my lunch a bag of grapes, and a yogurt ( I don't have sandwich material). Head to my door again cautiously peer out, and there she is trying to dial for a Taxi... so I offer my meager offering and she declines... can't be that hungry eh?

Anyways finally she got a hold of a taxi, gave me my phone and left; at last.


Then I decided that I still could get 2 hours of shut eye and I fell back to sleep only to have horrendous nightmares of both my parents dying horrible deaths and then having to proceed without morning with my everyday life. It was so surreal, and I cried so hard. I hate nightmares like that cause part of my brain is like don't be a numbskull you just had supper with your dad last night. And the other part is like this is reality you're staying here, don't think about leaving, this is reality and you don't want to wake up from it. So I finally after sleeping through my alarm clock twice I woke up at 10 and barely made it to class. What a productive morning.

I'm still somewhat perplexed about my little incident this morning. Part of me says what you did was a good thing. You helped someone out who no one else wanted to. I have to wonder how many doors she pounded on before she got to mine as I'm on the second balcony and 2nd door in so.... If it had been me, I would first of all never done it, but if I was in need I would hope someone would open their door to help me.

On the other hand I want to kick myself in the ass and get my head checked. What if it had been a man, or someone dangerous... Would I have done the same thing? And If it had been otherwise could I have been hurt? Not only that why didn't I call the police for someone disturbing the most important peace, my beauty sleep (trust me I needed it I look like shit today). Or, why didn't I at least get mad at the woman, give her a good toungue lashing, she didn't even say thanks.

It really bugs me because this is a problem where I live. I live in a smaller city and there is a large population of "homeless" or transient natives. This sounds horribly racist, but it's true. In my home city, which is much bigger there is no problem like this, instead it's homeless old white men, which doesn't sound racist. Anyways, homelessness is not just a solely native problem but I feel like I'm being a racist when i say that the person is homeless and native. It irks me because I think because of this people would rather ignore it. Three times now I have had a problem with the "transient" Natives, Once when one passed out on my Sidewalk, and it took EMS and police over an hour to respond when it was minus 15 and they only came after we reported blood on his forehead (re:Past entry winter 2004). And then one time at the bus stop where I had a native man start shouting at me to shut up after I said nothing... and then chase me into a store... (Spring 2005). SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE! This is perfectly ridiculous, there is so much money the government puts towards programs for natives, but it doesn't seem to be working! It is so frustrating because the subject is so tetchy...


Part of you wants to say, well we did take their land, and the next part wants to say so what that was 300 years ago, it is time to move on as with all of history. Face it every nation in the world has been invaded and re-invaded, nations rise and fall and people get crushed. It's time to stop looking at people based on their ethnicity, and instead begin to look at them as solely people. Yes, it is important to preserve traditions, heritage, and history, but it is important to integrate them into the present. There are many who do it, and are successful.

Sorry for the rant I'll probably retract this later, but it's so confusing. These are people, they suffer and live and we can't ignore them, but at the same time they have to be responsible to society as well.....

Ok have to stop now, I hope I didn't offend anyone.

I thought this was really interesting, and now I have a book list for when I graduate *cries*

THE BOOK MEME


Bold the books you have read
Italicize the books you had read to you as a child or read as a child and cannot remember
Underline the books you intend to read
Strike the books you hated so much you couldn't finish them
Add three

( Read more... )

505. Good Omens By Neil Gaiman And Terry Pratchett

506. Happiness by Will Ferguson

507. The Last Days of Summer by Steve Kluger

Well the Break went fast. I drove over 2000 Kilometer's in one week!
Gave myself a severe Asthma Attack. Got a 1000 dollar spontanious scholarship. and got accepted for an interview with JET. YAY! I also failed to read as much as I wanted too, and until today have not touched a single textbook for next term.

You shall all be glad to know that this term is my final term as an English Major. Woot For me. I will be taking a Grammer course which i'm sure you must all concur I am in desperate need of.

My computer is still a POS and is not working correctly.

That is all.

What an uninspired post.

There apparently is now a word for my obsesive/compulsive wordy entries... (Just found this on meriam Webster online dictionary (yes I do use a dictionary on occasion, usually to play their games :P)

blogorrhea (noun) : pathologically excessive (and often incoherent) blogging.


YAY! it's always satisfying to know that I'm not the only one who has this condition, since others must to make it a word right?

Well life's been pretty busy. I can't believe there is only a week and a half left of school! and like 3 and half weeks till christmas! I have so much stuff to do still! I'm very excited though, I got my JET application off (last minute of course!) and I have actually read some of my readings this year! And I'm doing fairly decently in my Japanese Class. I am going to try to minimize the stress level over the next two weeks as I get exams and so forth done. I think i'm getting sick, maybe an ulcer. My tummy hurts and I have a continual headache and i'm always tired.... whine whine sniffle, sniffle.

The next really good news in my life is that I will be graduating with a completly useless degree next year boo-rah-ha for me! My English degree will be completed so hopefully I will get into education somewhere soon, or get on the Jet Programme for a while. Life should get interesting here. The thing I'm most excited about for graduating is regaining my desire to read. Right now I never read. I used to read so much.

Lastly to all my devoted readers (note heavy sarcasm) I will be taking a class in Grammer next term, I hope this will have some effect on my writing proficiency, one can only hope right?

Oh! and Yeah I want to send a present to my Japanese Host families but year apparently you need to have sent it by Oct 14 for it to get there on time! ha! hopefully i'll get it out later this week, maybe i'll send the card seperate from the presents so the card will arrive on time???? oh well.

Does anyone know how they celebrate christmas in Japan if in fact they celebrate it at all???

I am completly at a loss.

My head feels like it's going to burst at any moment, unable to hold the enotions and thoughts bottled up inside. It's moments or days like this when the world begins to close in on itself and then unfold in an alien unknown landscape, I don't recognize.

In a spontaneous moment, in the persuit of knowledge, I took a girl up on her recommendation that I come to a film being shown at the library.  The University is having a seminar on genocide, and a group of lectures at the end of the month, this movie was shown in connection with these. 

The movie in question was "Shaking Hands With the Devil" a story of Romeo Dallaire's  return to Rawanda on the tenth anniversery of the 1994 genocide in which 800 000 people were killed in 100 days.  My fingers trip as I write these numbers.  One is far to small for the number and one just too large.  When you reach the hundreds of thousands all you see is a number.  Two interlocking loops followed by five zeros.  There's no empty eyes, no shoeless feet, no slowly rotting bodies in that number that I type.  Yet in reality that is exactly what the simple number stands for.  I feel bad just writting about those dead, where is it my place to describe the dead, I hesitate to describe further, the mutilated bodies from macheties; the small skulls and small shoes.  I was not there I do not know anyone from there and until recently I did not know who or what there was.

 In 1994 I was 9, in grade 4 and 5.  The Simpson Trial was a big media frenzy.  I remember that.  I remember  singing parodies of "In the Jungle" about Loreena Bobbit and her husband.  I remember that. 

In 1994 do I remember the deaths of 800 000 humans, a result of human nature, at its most burocratic, racist and apathetic? No.

Ask me after graduating from social studies with honours, and completing 3 years of univeristy; if I new who the Tutsi's and the Hutu's were I would say  South African tribes who faught and killed each other.... a long long time ago....

I admit my ignorance and feel ashamed.  I also feel usless.  Today I was worried about my weight, my muscles hurt, I didn't do so well on a small midterm, and how Charlotte Smith and Anna Barbauld influenced the Romantic period and last what I was going to eat for dinner....

Pitiful.  NO not pitiful, meaningless.  nothing i worry about matters.  Nothing I do right now matters.

It will not make the world a better place if I can tell you how Smith made the sonnet popular again or that Blake used Ratiosynethiv thinking.   And thus it's a crux. 

I am priviledge beyond your or mine own knowledge.  I forget it on a daily basis.  The last refugee in my family MIGHT have been my Great Grandpa whos been dead 30 years.  I have never starved,. worried for my saftey becasue of my sex or race.  I have never seen a real gun fired, nor a fully loaded machine gun.  I have never seen a dead person on anything other than T.V.  I am educated, i'm free and I don't fear my government or my fellow countrymen. How lucky I am.

Realizing that not everyone has lead a life like mine, or lives in a country like mine is frustrating.  I'm not saying mines the best, i'm just saying it's not the worst.  Although Rawanda happened over 11 years ago, it seems to remain forgotten.  A historical mistake, a page in some text book.  It shames me to realize how little I know of the world.  Esspecially the forgotten.  Western Culture has not improved in all its advancements, we still ignore that which we do not wish to see. 

I feel caught between two strong forces Action and helplessness.  I want to do something a moral voice says something must be done for all those atrocities you don't know about.  Then another voice says  what can you do?  Is giving a Dollar a day to some aid program going to help someone?  Is writting a stronly worded missive going to save someones life?  Is teaching someone English going to free them from opression? 

And all comes down to parilyzing fear, frustration and fatigue.  The minute I say do something theres so much to do, one minute it's a starving infant in Sri Lanka, or raping and genocide in Sudan, or natural disasters in New Orleans and Pakistan.  the list goes on and on.  And All i can sit and do is just try and comprehend.  Wondering what action to take. 

The worst part is this confusion will disapear and i'll continue to persue my mundane worries and life, oh i'll remember the dead and the fact that things continue to go on in this world, 

But what makes me sad.

What makes me scream.

What makes me Angry

is that like everyone else will do nothing.  perhaps the worst thing we could do.

 

But now my soul, unused to stretch her powers

in flight so daring, drops her weary wing,

and seeks again the known accustomed spot....

Barbauld (1173)

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )

It is September now and a new year is beginning.  I always find it strange that the New Year for me is not in January but in September.  This is the time of year when my life changes; I’m taking new classes, making new years resolutions, realizing how in debt I am, and beginning to contemplate what I hope to accomplish in the coming year.

            I am sad to admit that I did not get admitted into the UofL’s Faculty of Education.  My GPA was apparently too pitiful.  I blame it on my lack of commitment and general slipshod approach to life.  If there is one thing that I really, really detest about myself is my lack of focus.  I do not commit to my studies, and I never have.  I am blessed or cursed with innate knowledge about a wide variety of things, and what knowledge I lack I am able to glean or bull shit. 

( pathetic )

hey all you non world travellers here　is a brief update since the script keeps changing to Japanese! its really annoying as well certain things like commas are not in the right place. other than that. SO the most impresive thing so far in the day and a half i:ve been here I have worn a Kimono! a real authentic increadibly expensive kimono. So I think i will tell you all about this amazing and unique experience.

My host family doesn:t speak any english and I don:t speak any japanese. so it all works out in the end. Anyways my host　mother sayed that I should wear a kimono for our reception dinner which was held the day after we arrived, and was formal wear. So after orientation and meeting the mayor of Kitami we went home. She kept asking what my shoe size was, and saying we should go soon (understand that this is all pantomime and single words carring conitations across cultures. i.e. "Safe" with swiping hand motions means all is ok.) so i was under the impression that we were going out to buy shoes and that I would have a chance to have a shower before putting on the kimono, and do my hair. well we actually went to her friends house were I had a great convesation with the father, his son, and his son's two daughter, who were in middle and high school. It was funny they had fairly passable skills in convo so it was not as bad as it could be. The son had been on exchange to colorado 26 years ago, as a cowboy, so that was funny.

Anyways the time came to put on the kimono. Now looking at a kimono one would say how hard can that be.... WRONG. If complex manners and customs are the sign of complex society then the Japanese defenatly took that a step farther. The Kimono has many parts and procedures.

1. Strip down to your skivies (and traditionally nothing) in front of two elderly skinny japanese ladies.

2. put on white light cotton under robe which is kept on by a stiff belt about 3 inches wide and the old lady has to reef on it to get it to go around the poor Gijins plump body.

3. have under Kimono put on. this is a silky beutiful garment that looks like it should be on the outside except that it is one clour, despite elaborate patterns underneath. then have another mini-obi like the one before put around your waist this tie higher so that you no longer have a gut. then have string tied around to have under kimono at desired hight not a problem when the *barbie doll*　is 5'9 a good foot above normal japanese. It only had to be taken up maybe an inch

3. Outer Kimono is put on. THis is the elegent kimono with paterns on it, mine was black with many flowers since it:s spring. another string and miny obi are used and the kimono is longer than the inner kimono so it goes to just above the feet when standing. then comes the obi a 12 foot long 3 feet wide sturdy fabric think denim but stiffer. Then it is folded in half and wrapped around the body 2 times and then tied in the back. in an ornate bow.

4. then brocade is tied over the obi, and a rougher fabric is tuckedj up top to provide contrast.

5. remeber all the while tall gijin is trying to suck it in, not hit anyone with ungainly arms and stuff.

6. then comes photo take with strange but now beautifully dressed gijin. So then come the speciall shoes which although don:t fit like the kimono seem to be made for multi person wearing, of different sizes.

7. then comes the dinner in which i with 2 other host moms are wearing kimonos let:s just say attention. Even the mayor singaled me out! ha! and don:t spill.
]
so thats the story got to run won:t hear from me for a while.

So I leave in just under a week and things are going good, I keep buying stuff though it's truly pathetic, I'm just lucky this is the time of year in which I have money to spend. So yeah, it still kind of scares me how much though! atleast most have been bargins! I got a new rain/spring jacket thats lime green which match my shoes. Yes ladies and Gentlemen I have lime green shoes, jacket and purse, as well as assorted green earings, and gree shirts. I have thus far avoided wearing green pants cause I thought that might be overkill. I don't know why i have so much green it just looks good, I hope. And it's strange cause I'm not a big one for bright colours yet hear I am with green, oh well. I also bought this really great big mid-calf length skirt from the Gap which I never shop at but it was so pretty I had to have. anyways as you can tell i'm a bit of a ditz, right now talking about fasion and stuff but it's kind of exciting.

So last night I watched Lost in Translation. And as usual i'm not quite sure what to make of it. I don't know maybe i'm not cultured enough to understand these movies that have obscure conclusions. Oh well. I'm glad I watched it I think it may provide an interesting insite into what it's like to be gaijin in a world which is so similar and foreign. I"ll have to let you guys know when I get back.

In contrast to the serious movie "Lost in Translation" I finished the book "sushi Daze" which is a truly awful novel overall. The main character is a self pretentious git who goes to Japan to "jump the shark" and has a miraculous move from ittinerant immature man with no drive to a man willing to settle down with a woman. In all I think the best part about the book was it's cultural references and the culture shock a canadian goes through when in Japan. It was almost a "guide to modern culture in Japan" intersperced with a crappy plot. I do have to say most of the things he talked about we've discussed in our classes for the trip i'm taking so atleast it wasn't a complete waste.

anyways thats about it for usless things to talk about while I wait for my cousin to call, we're going to go play ball today cause i'm in sore need of practice, and then maybe i'll get around to watching Team America.

oh and has anyone noticed they need a mood post picture for ambivelent, I mean face it they have quixotic!

    Well I apologize for not replying to anybodies posts for the past month or more, or for not posting in my LJ, for that matter. Once again life seems to be spiralling out of control, but at the same time pieces seem to be clicking into the right spot like a complex multidimensional rubics cube.
  
     Well for most of you who don't know I leave for Japan in a little over a week.  I'll be their for just under a month and it will truly be an experience of a life time!  Not to brag or anything.  I've been a tad bit busy with predeparture classes and really stressing over my research class.  I finally made the adult decision that perhaps this trip would not be the appropriate time in which to do a research paper on Japanese education and perhaps I should just have fun being a "sponge" and learning about a very interesting culture.  So now for the first time in my life I"m withdrawing from a class.  The angst such a decicion caused me was imence I didn't sleep well or at all for two nights straight until I got up the nerve to talk to a professor.  Its good though cause I would just about have to kill myself to get things done and I think it would negativly affect my GPA. 

    It has come to my attention that I finally have goals and ambitions clearly defined in my life for the first time, and it almost feels like i've realized it too late.  Before I never was truly concerned about my overall GPA only on one class at a time.  Now with a highly competitive enterence into the Faculty of Education I actually care about my GPA, heaven forbid.  Every term my GPA increases, which is bad because my overall GPA is teetering on the edge of acceptence levels, and i'm sitting her going what do I do if I don't get in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Next and scarilly enough is the realization that I have something to live for, my trip to Japan.  Now this sounds slightly sucidal doesn't it?  What I mean to say is that before this trip really I wasn't overly concerned about say accidental death, now yeah It would suck big time but it would be a fact of life, c'est la Vie .  And yeah it would suck becaue I wouldn't have a 'future' .  Now, i'm like "ok Nicole be very careful driving don't get in an accident you have to get to Japan".  It's quite pathetic really.  And I keep coming up with all these scenario's in my head about how I could miss out on the trip.   

I think its perhaps a sign of  my trancendece from daily concerns for everyday things to a concrete future goals. 

Anyway yeah thats enough for the day.  I will try to post occasionally while i'm abroad.   wait I alread am one!!! you now A Broad!  anyawys I won't PUNish you to much.

wait did you hear about the buzzard who tried to take a dead racoon onto the airplane with him?
when asked why he replyed becasue it say's i'm allowed One peice of carrion.  HA HA HA

ok work calls.

Ahh! I spent the first day of summer holiday idyllically--or is that idly?  Did I read Don Quixote? Did I go out side and tan?  No.  I started a Clive Cussler novel (I decided after watching Sahara that I wanted to read one of his novels).  Yes! A testosterone charged, nationalistic, action novel! what could be better?  But before I become to self-deprecating of my closet appreciation of escapist fiction let me get to the point....

    Events shape the world, whether it's the Norman Invasion, Christopher Columbus, the Assashination of Duke Ferdinand, Hiroshima, and most recently 9-11.  Literature has an eeire tendency sometimes of foreshadowing the future...  Don't believe me?  I'm sure you're all familiar with the starnge coincidence of the sinking of the Titanic and a book published only a few years before.  Futility or The Wreck of the Titan written in 1898 which details very similarly the events which resulted in the Titanic's tradjedy.  For instance, the Titan a large luxurious Cruise ship that because it was so 'technologically advanced' no one thought it would sink, in april it hits a iceburg and because of not enough life bouts almost everyone dies.... sound familiar to the Titanic disaster in April 1912?  (for more you can look at a very unscholarly site http://www.historyonthenet.com/Titanic/futility.htm I give no promices as to its veracity)  anyways now on to my main point...

    In Valhalla Rising: A Dirk Pit Novel by Clive Cussler (warning following a plot spoiler) an evil oil corporation is determined to force america to place an  oil embargo on  foreign oil.  How? by driving a Liquified Natural Gas Tanker into the World Trade Center.  Lets just say 700,570,333 cubic feet of propane make for one hell of a bang.... This shocked me since the narration occurs in August of 2003??? So I flipped to the front for publishing dates and low and behold the publishing date was.... August 2001a month before the fateful events of 9-11.... the book talks about the forthcoming disaster oh dear can Dirk Save the day???? (I don't know I still have 80 pages left and he still hasn't made love to any of the three prominant female protagonist, and all are amazingly beautiful and hiding out at his house, oh the dilemma!) anyways it predicts that "you could conceivably produce a fireball almost to miles wide.' The structural damage?....  "Heavy... Major Buildings such as teh world Trade Center Skyscrapers would still stand, but theri interiors would be gutted.  Most of the other buildings clost to the center of the blast would be destroyed.  I don't even want to speculate on the lose of life" (436)..... Need I say more?  I havn't finished the novel as I've said before but i'm sure that our dashing hero will save the day.

    Even further irony arises from the fact that the book also focus on Jules Verne's science fiction novels as the book says "He also  anticipated flights to teh the moon, submarines that could circle the globe underwater, soar heating, moving escalators adn walkways, three-dimensional holographic images-- you name it, he was there first.  He also foresaw asteroids and comets striking the earth and causing wide devastation."  (417).

Gives a whole new meaning to the caveat in all books "this is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either ater teh product og teh author's imagination ora are used fictitiously, and any resembance to teh actual persons, living or dead, business, establishments, events, or locals is entirely coincidntal....     Anyways who says fantasy has no connection to reality?  anyways I thought this was extremely interesting and thought i'd share it hope you enjoyed. Why is it that dime store novels always prove lovely fodder for academic discussion? or is my mind just fried from a horrendous semester of English, English, English, Philosophy, then teaching english........ egad! I need this summer. Learn Japanese! and ignore english.  he he he...

Because 3000 word essays deserve procrastination...

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof). Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe. </td> agnosticism 83% Buddhism 79% atheism 67% Islam 58% Paganism 58% Satanism 58% Judaism 54% Hinduism 54% Christianity 42% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

So I did my charitable duty today and I feel great--well actually I don't but that's for a completely different reason altogether.  Anyways, today I'm in the library looking up folk dances and music for a P.E. lesson I have on Wednesday when this woman approaches me.  In heavy laden accent  and with eyes that looked about to cry, she asked me if I could help her with her paper.  So what could I do really, I said yes.  It turns out she's a woman from Iran, and she's taking an english class at the University, anyways she had to write a paper on any topic of her choosing, and she did it on sex ed. Well I helped her as best I could explaining and helping her set out a paper with paragraphs and helping her to find the resources she needed to find and stuff...  She was so nice.  Hopefully i've helped her.  It's incredibly ironic though the past two weeks I"ve had to edit two papers out of the blue. Has someone stuck a "Paper Help here" on my back? I mean people this is me!  I maybe O.K. at English but....  Actually I felt bad for the other girls paper that I edited.  I tore it to shreds.  I felt so bad but it was neccisary, this was the first paper the girl had had to write a paper in 3 years of University, damn Kinesiology majors!  And I really couldn't tell you what a transitional phrase is until its missing! Or comma-splices, subject-verb agreement... all those things I miss on my papers.  I couldn't believe it I looked at this paper and went Yikes! I felt so bad, but hopefully now her mark will be much higher. cause as self-conscious as I usually am about how atrocious my grammar and spelling truly is, I was sure that I had actually benefited the paper.  Dan and Russ are roling on the floor laughing their asses off right now, i'm sure, to think of me as actually editing and understanding grammer. Egads!

Oh and cause I thought this was intersting.... Quixotic which means highminded and unselfish to an impractical extent comes from the character Don Quixote  from the 16th century novel of the same name by Cervantes.  I love learning the root of words he he....